how to stop drinking soda

Carbonated Waters – A Chubby Mans’ Tale of Defeat

I’m a big dude. Take the copious quantities of calorie-containing-caffeinated-carbonated-concoctions (CCCCC), mixed with fried bread, pizza, and other processed delights out of the picture and out of storage from my body – I’d still be a big dude. Don’t tell me I am using the “I’m big boned” ideology as a crutch either here Sally. My feet for example are size 13, and they are so bloody wide I can’t fit into most shoes. Isn’t this interesting? No – no it’s not. But, this is one of the rare occasions I am going to use this public place of writings as a way to take some accountability over my life and set in stone some certain decisions I’m making right now. Maybe it can help someone out there take charge of some aspects of their life along with me.

So now – lets set the tone. Take off your pants and get comfy. Or don’t and call me a pervert.
Like most everyone, I can’t claim to remember much of my very early years. I do however think my family followed the jacked up mentality prescribed in this picture:
cola

Do yourself a real favor – don’t listen to messages from advertising.

The few early memories I do have consist of my grandma and grandpa each having a can of pop a day. Well, my grandpa had “secret” stashes all over the house. His accurate count was probably more like 4-5 cans a day, and the numbers increased with age because he forgot that he had already drank 15 cans previous to the next and so on.
Mmmm. Bubbles. Cold delicious sugary bubbles. I am so hard wired to love soda I can’t even explain. I can feel my brain turning on sexy jazz music when I hear the sound of the carbonated glory hitting the bottom of a ridiculous over-sized American cup. (Which by the way being American according to Carl’s Jr and Pizza Hut means putting hot dots into unholy places. Being an American is disgusting apparently. I’ll probably try these monstrosities anyway. I don’t want to be considered un-American after all 😉 )
I’ve stopped drinking soda a quarter of a billion times in my life. I’ve quit for ten minutes, all the way up to my longest stretch of about 2 months. Why stop? Because in reality its sugar crap poison bubble water. You know it’s true – and you can tell yourself what ever fabrication you want about it – I’ve probably said the excuses more times than you ever will. Doesn’t matter if its diet or not. All sodas are full of chemicals and junk that I doubt we were genetically fashioned to be consuming. I make this assertion while looking down at my stomach which is at least 65% soda generated. “Wes you’re an idiot. Everything is fine in moderation.” That might be true grumpy lame-o, but I don’t do soda in moderation, and really even if you can do the “one can a day” thing – do you really want 12 ounces a day of crap in your body? This leads to a much bigger discussion about why you would even care about your body and take care of it, but let me tell you why I care.
My biggest motivator right now are my kids. The reality of my life right now is this: My wife is hot, and if I were to die it would be hard on her – but she’d be ok. She is very talented and she would make it. Taking care of the kids would be hard without me, but again she’s great. But my kids! Holy mother of England. My kids, especially my 3 year right now – if I were gone it would be awful. They need me, and I want to be there for them more than they will ever know. Maybe you don’t have kids or loved ones to think about? Then do you love yourself? Another big topic – but hopefully you can at least get along with yourself a little bit to realize you are of worth. People have inherit worth. Otherwise why would murder be such a big deal? You have worth, no matter how sucky you think you are.
Drinking_glass_00118So this is what I am trying to do – when I am tempted to do something terrible I ask myself something like “do I love this Dr. Pepper more than my family?” Obviously the answer is clear! I am at the very beginning of this journey – but so far so good. This is a one step at a time health change. First step – kill cussing soda out of my life. However I gotta be realistic too.  We are talking about over thirty years of a lot of sexy jazz music bubbles. Sugar is this generations most addictive drug. So here is my plan and my commitment: On special occasions, say my Birthday – sure I’ll rock up a Mt. Dew. The rest of the time I simply do not drink soda (or booze) :). However I will be drinking a hoover dam’s worth of plain carbonated water everyday (I dig it with a squeezed lemon wedge).
Go do the research, plain carbonated water is just as hydrating as regular water – and the only real side effect for some people is becoming a gas pot. I can deal with farts – I have children. In fact I lik.. never mind. This gets rid of all the sugar and crappy chemicals and believe it or not, it is also telling my soda brain that I got what I am hardwired to need. So there is my first little health tip. Maybe my last, because writing about health makes me feel all weird. I really think saying adios loser soda will stick this time, but just in case ask me in a month. Thanks! Cheers